Catching up on old journals and deviations

There's like a million and five things I haven't looked at, things people have posted months ago, that I swore faithfully to watch. Mostly I'm in awe of the stuff, although a few times I've clicked on by. I'm not even attempting to comment much, would take forever, still thousands left.

Today I'm thinking about characters. Have noticed so many people with pet characters, or who have commissioned sketches of characters from people they watch, or people I watch who sketch gifts and kiribans with characters. Original characters, I mean. It fascinates me, people's fantasies. I have characters, I suppose, but I never draw them. Or haven't much. I have Peter Winston, Chas Waller, Geneva Falk, Jacque Taylor, Martin Sullivan, Henri de Winterthal from an old slash story that started out as a farce, but got too personal. Also a spaceship of characters never named, 5 or so of them, that I was bound and determined to make an animated series about, for about a month. Amity Hunter, Scourge of the Prairie, with Tortue and Horse. Some Comedia del Arte Clowns, who perform on small stages, kind of like Cirque de Soleil, while pursuing careers as intergalactic hitmen. Not sure how that really worked, these are all kind of half baked. A forgotten automated factory still functioning in a warzone wasteland, continuing to manufacture and vend products without supervision, increasingly... bizzarre. And its heirs, flipping burgers in a refugee zone, who can't get back. I have (Offen)Bach Waldorf and the Infinity Men. There are more. But I don't draw them. Or write them.

Why? At this point I am a geezer fan. I had opportunities to enter the comics industry (or who knows, books, videogames, animation) a long time ago, but I blew it. I also aligned myself with partners who I thought had the vision and talent to propel us forward into some titles or something and into what passes for fame or infamy... but they were unable to sustain the work.. or really unwilling to stretch past their comfort zone and a safe, minimal level of output. I came to realize I would have to do all their work too, besides my own. And that we didn't really have a partnership. And I doubted my own talent. I got involved with a huge convention that completely monopolized all my time during the few hours I could connect with other creators. For decades. Such a wastrel. Yawn, you are bored with me.

Now I gotta wonder, would anybody still care about my characters? How many ideas of mine are so cliche-ridden, or depend on technology or something that has already gone far beyond what I ever halfbakedly conceived. Is it possible that at this time in my life I could make comics, or write some kind of web thing that people would be engaged in? Can I even keep these thoughts for more than a week at a time, before I uttlerly lose momentum? And I'm scared that if I throw my passion into such projects, there will be no one to take care of me. There's already no one.

So is this drama enough for DA? eh.
Dunno, but it's today's entry.